Dangerboy

What a fun night! Tonight I spent the evening with my friends MJ & Kim. We sat around and talked, we watched Gangs Of New York (great movie by the way), we laughed and had a good time. It was awesome.

It is so great spending time with my friends, getting to see them, their kids (in some cases), and just spend time talking, catching up, and having fun.

It's been so long since I have gotten to do that.

Friendship is being slowing put back in my life, and back in the right spot: My heart.

A lot of time has been wasted by me concentrating on a marriage that couldn't be.

I have forgotten how to be just friends.

I'm used to people coming over, of inviting me over because they wanted something. I was used to the X inventing people over because he wanted something. I had been forced to forget that friends can just be... That people can hang out, and spend time together just to enjoy one another's company.

Tonight, I remembered that.

Tonight was just good friends having fun.

No expectations, no needs, no wants. Just fun.

The way it used to be.

Friends for friends sake.

Friendship because of friendship.

I had forgotten how that works.

People can just spend time together no expectations.

It has been so long since I had done that, I had forgotten people can and do spend time together just because.

For years the only time I could spend with my friends was if there was something needed, or they wanted something. I spent so much time trying to keep my failing relationship together I forgot about my friends. The X always had friends over, but there was always ALWAYS an ulterior motive in one or the other party's mind. I was embarrassed to have my friends see that. And I was always afraid if I had my friends over that would be the one time the X would come home alone, and I would miss out (which happened a few times before I gave up). It was a sad existence. My view of friendship had been skewed, by me, and by the people around me.

And I didn't want my friends to see that... I was embarrassed, and I knew if they saw that, they would have said something, and I wasn't ready for that: not yet.

I forgot what I friend is.

I forgot how to be a friend.

I am relearning how to be a friend, how to understand friendship, and that it belongs in my heart. No more, wants, needs, expectations or suspicions....

Just friendship.

MJ, Kim.... Thank you.

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"When I find myself fading, I close my eyes and realize my friends are my energy."
-Anon.