I belong to the ocean...

...And it belongs to me. I really need to figure out what that means! Ever since I was little, I have been drawn to the ocean. At the age of four, my parents moves us off the farm in Fort Langley to our own private island: Dayman Island! It was there that I learned my love for the ocean. It took all the effort my parents had to keep my out of the water before April... I didn't care if it was cold or not. I just wanted to snorkel! I needed to be in the water. I learned all I could about Aquacuture which was the family business (we farmed various shellfish like clams and oysters), and fished and crabbed as often as I could. I loved the water. I needed the ocean. When we moved away from there (the education opportunities there were not as good as one would hope, so we moved away because my parents wanted the best education for me and my brother Stuart) I was heart broken. But we moved close to the beach in Sidney BC. Pat Bay Beach (Patricia Bay actually)



There I swam every summer. For hours. I lost days there. Years even. Then, I turned 16. And as we all do when were young, I wanted to hang with friends drive around and be silly. Ignoring the future and past. And I did. I played Saxophone in the band, (4 of them actually) and glided through high school. I worked the system and glided through. I was to smart for my own good. I played the system for what it was worth, and did the least I had to to graduate and get a 4.0 GPA. And it was easy. I was lazy. While I did this, I took biology. Somewhere in my heart I was screaming THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. I ignored it. It was easier that way. While in Biology, when we reached the marine biology part of it, I corrected the text book. Every day, I corrected the teacher, and proved I was correct. I designed a cold water aquarium capable of sustaining a Spiny Dogfish (because I am a HUGE shark fanatic), and lead a couple classes and a beach field trip... Why, I had the knowledge.

But that was easy.

And still I ignored the ocean.

I abandoned the idea of being a marine biologist because it was hard, and with my bad eyesight at the time (-10/-11), I couldn't do to much practical research with sharks (or whatever) anyway. I decided to go music, then computers. I became a PC tech. Because it was easy. I coasted through all the classes, acing them all, because I already knew it.

It was all easy.

Then I got laser surgery on my eyes. I was 20/20. But still, I ignored the ocean.

Then in 1997 my life changed. My first major life change (I'm on my second right now). In January 1997, my dad passes away after a 14+ year struggle with Multiple Myeloma. And I was broken. The last few months I got to spend with my dad, did not go how I wished. I was young and stupid, and it wasn't easy...

I wanted easy.

I will never forgive myself.

I wasted precious time

After he passed away, the family business... his business: which he build from scratch: Empire Used Auto Parts had to be run, so I uprooted and moved (he commuted) and ran the business until my mom could sell it.

Then I heard the call,

After the sale I decided to get my PADI instructors course form the only Canadian CDC. I became a SCUBA diver. I got my dive master ticket, but needed to wait before I could take my instructors course. So I came back to Victoria... And got lazy.

Some things are so easy.

I got a job working at a computer company. Got a place of my own, and built a great life. I met the man of my dreams (my X) and started to build my life with him. And I forgot the ocean. I would go walk to it, but it was easier to be in a rut.

It's all so easy.

But the oceans pull is so strong.

Now, that I'm on my own. I am going back to that beach at Pat Bay. I'm swimming, spending hours looking, thinking enjoying the sights and smells. I belong there. The ocean calls to me.

Tonight I swam for hours. I watched 5 harbour seals swim, sometimes coming as close as 5 feet away.

I listened.

I took in the gory of the sun as it started to lower in the sky.

I heard the oceans call.

I belong to the ocean.

It belongs to me.

I really need to figure out what that means (feel free to post in the forum [in links] if you know). I need to know what I'm meant to do & be. And I must be it.

Easy is no more.

Laziness has no place in me.

Guide me to the ocean, and I will know the way.

I need to know what all this means.