My journey: I walk this path...

!Listen to Once More With Feeling, Track 22 Sacrifice (From 'The Gift') while you read this!

To the X:

I am on a journey right now... And everyday I'm scared, and filed with dread. I am discovering who I am, and who I am going to become. I get it now. Our paths were never meant to intertwine... Never. But they did. And for that I have no regrets. The saddest part is, that I loved you more deeply than ever AFTER you had fallen out of love with me (by your time line). I may have been falling in love with you for the first years, but I never really fell hard until your point of no return. My journey has helped me discover that if we never got together, I would probably be a drunken fool, and may never have opened my heart, and trusted anyone. But as it is now... I can never trust anyone again. Maybe in time.

My heart aches for the loss of you... And for the realization we shouldn't have been. But I do not regret it. I walk this path, that has memories... All my regrets... All that could have been. All that I never will be. And I visualize them as framed pictures on the side of a winding road. I see our wedding picture, the last time I talked with my father, my brothers missed hockey games, My moms pictures missed in Disneyland. The path is lined with things I can not change, or can not be. This is the path I must walk to discover who I am, & who I am becoming.

It is a painful path.

But I must walk it. I must take this journey. Alone. Solitude my guide.

When I emerge, I will not be the same person.

This is what I must do.

Maybe this can help you. You need to walk your own path. Face your daemons. Cry over what you cannot change, then walk past. I have fought many daemons these past few months... None easy. I see the hurt look in my fathers eyes, the Christmas right before he died, as we fought, I feel your arms around me as I wake and you hug me into morning. These things I cannot change. But I must face.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Find your own path.

Walk it.

Lean.

Face your daemons.

Become the great person you are inside.

Become you.