I am Jack's new clothes

Apparently my inner Tyler Durden yearns to buy clothes. I went shopping today. Indebting myself more, but new life, new clothes... Makes sense to me. If it was red and black, I bought it. From Jeans to Trinity's trench coat

I bought almost every red and black article they had. The rush was insane (mental note, don't get hooked on the rush), but DAMN I got some HOT clothes.

I'm Sexy I tell you!

I'm now positive I will be turning heads at my new job tomorrow.

Must start to live again.

Yesterday, as you may have noted, I had a pretty rough day. I went and visited the X again. It took allot out of me. Combine that with the realization that I'm loosing my cats as well because I cant find a place that will allow me to keep the cats, I was in rough shape.

But, I'm lucky.

I have great friends and family.

Both in real life, or those who you only know by expressions of text through a screen.

I'm lucky.

Not everyone has that luxury. But I do, and I'm grateful.

Tomorrow is looming over my head. Fear, and Dread are sneaking in to try and mock me. Seeing the new place, new job and new life becoming reality. My life is moving on. It's terrifying, but in the very same breath, its exciting.

I see a new horizon, and onward I must go. Head held high. In a month, I will be sitting in my new place, probably going over everything I learned in that days training at work, eating food I cooked in my own kitchen with a towel around my head from the swim I just had. I will smile. For a new beginning will have begun, and life has started. Everything happens for a reason, even if we are not fortunate enough to know why at the time.

I will begin again.

I will survive.

I will Chase the Sun

I am free.

For the first time in years, I am able to be me.

I can return to the dreamer.

I can once again dream: For me.

I have a long way to go. It will be a long time before I will be healed, but I can see that it doesn't matter. My soul is free. I can feel myself returning to the dreamer of yesterday. And I will be a long journey, and it will be hard. But for the first time in my life, I will embrace the hard road. I will be Jack's Second Chance at life.

I can do ANYTHING.

I can BE anything.

There is a tomorrow, and its mine because:

It's in my soul

A long time ago, this song was my mantra. It was me. It expressed my freedom, my joy of life, my spirit, my soul. Everyone knew it was mine. I would drive down the road and listen to it loud, I would sing: loudly, and profess "It's in my soul". Over the last 6 years, that was stifled, buried, there was an attempted murder on my sprit, my soul. But it has risen from the ashes. And I listen to this song, and smile. For there are great memories here. There is today's hope here. And a dream for tomorrow lives here. This song, is my song. It is part of the soundtrack of my life... A sound track that was turned off to long ago.

But now...

With the new courage I am trying to embody, I believe I can take the hard road, I can do anything, because..

It's in my soul.

I would like to share the song with you.

From Corey Hart's CD: young man running (and a few of his compilations discs) The song is called In Your Soul.

In Your Soul
Corey Hart

Ever since I was a little kid
I have always thought
I could run faster than the wind
Stare up to the sky with open spaces
I could live and die
Man you can't find that in no book
You never find that in no book
Someone will drag you down
And try to knock you under
Hey mama said with her words of wonder
Don't matter cause, cause it's in your soul
(I have always felt
That I had to prove it to myself)
No salvation from the firin' line
(A million dreams won't set you free)
God I know there's something trapped in me
There's no refuge from the ride
No shelter ever saved a man his pride
(Give you pain and never feed you hunger
I won't close my eyes when it rain and thunders)
Don't matter cause, cause it's in your soul
(And when the night is overcome
And I've been racin' down a road
That's got no trace, no face
If I could live by the words I've sung
And carry all the choices I've made)
I swear, I swear I'll be there
'O no no, na na
Hey mister don't shadow box with me
'Cause I don't wanna someday be
An old man cursin' what I might have been
Now I realize what I see
That the wind was never chasin' me
And I don't feel so alone
I can close my eyes I'm goin' home
(Behind the clouds the sun is shinin'
Some rain will fall no use in cryin')
'O no
'O no not me
(Got a picture in my head that won't let go of)
Young man running in search of
Count your blessings
'Cause it's in your soul
'O it's in your soul
[Soul]
In your soul
'O no
[In your soul]
Ever since I was a little kid
I have always thought
[Ah he always thought]
Young man running
[Always thought]
Keep on running - and a running - and a running
Keep on running
[Ah].