I'm done.

I can't sit here fighting to be friends with a man who wont even consider being there for me in my time of need. Who wont put things aside to help me, or to even offer. I got some insanely horrible news today which has had me crying since I got home, and I needed his friendship.

He refused.

I have never needed my best friend more than I do this second. Not because he is my X, but because he has been my best friend 6 years. I needed to talk to him. He refused. Apparently his new friends are more important than me. I guess this shouldn't surprise me, even when we were together if I was sick, or had a migraine, he didn't care, he would have is stupid friends over to party. I would be sick in the washroom, unable to bare the noise and he didn't care. I guess he never really did put me first. But now.. good god, I cant do this alone, and he refuses to care.

Fuck him.

While I'm dealing with the fact the man I am in love with, starting a new life, new job, finding a new home, moving, loosing all my pets, and everything else, I still dropped everything to help him while he went through his problems. I sat and listened while he ripped my heart out telling me he hasn't loved me for 4 years (which I would like to add means his proposal/ring was a big fat lie), or while he told me the sorted details of his new girls, and everything, I endured the pain because he needed me... Because I wanted to FIGHT to keep my friend... My best friend. But he wont even put one fucking night aside to be my friend, when I need him most.

His new fiends are more important than someone who stood beside him for 6 years (more if you count our friendship we had before), someone who was always there for him.

Fuck him. FUCK HIM!

It's not like this is trivial shit (I cant talk about it yet, because this is public and I don't know who needs to know this yet, and this is not the place to find out information like this), this is as big as it gets.... But here I sit alone... Needing to talk to my best friend, but he's out for dinner with his new girls.

FUCK HIM!

Tossing me aside is one thing. Trampleling on my heart while I fought to be his friend because he had no one else to talk to is one thing. Abandoning me when I need him... TRULY NEED HIM. Its unforgivable.

He didn't even take 5 minutes out to call me.

Seems for the last 4 years I've been used.

Strung on until he had someone new.

Old tricks die hard huh?

I know he has allot going on with him right now... But I would drop everything in a second to be there for him... And I have since we have been apart. But not even a call, nothing but a "I'm sorry I cant help you".... If I can sit and listen to his sorted love life, how he is doing everything I always wanted for us with someone else and still smile, he certainly could have taken 5 minutes to call me.

I cant believe it.

I'm the only one fighting to be friends... Because no matter what you are going through, you always come though for your friends (just look at what I have done for him though all this!!).

I'm not going to fight to be friends alone... I don't need the pain involved. This shouldn't be a solitary battle; I'm still in love with him, and I'm willing to listen, to be there no matter how hard, but it has to be a two way street!. I don't need the pain if he's not willing to fight too!

If he needs someone to talk to, or to be there for him, he going to have to look somewhere else.

I'm not going to deal with the pain if he's not willing to even try.

Fuck that!

I still want the best for him... I want nothing but happiness for him.

But if he's not even willing to take 5 minutes out to talk to me now...

He never will.

He never did.

I guess I should have expected this.

Have a great life...

But I can't do this anymore.


"Change my mind man, tell me I'm wrong... Prove me wrong... Let us stay friends... Please! Even with this, I still need your friendship. I still want to be friends. Like I said six years ago, "The most important thing to me is our friendship, and we shouldn't get together if there is a chance of loosing that..." COMMON!! PROVE ME WRONG!!! BE THERE FOR ME!!! DON'T MAKE ME WALK AWAY! "

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses."
-C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections