Strange realizations

I love the movie: The Wedding Singer. I always have, never know why really, its not like its a fantastic cinematic event, but I loved it. Tonight I think I figured out why.

I loved the love story: New Jersey wedding chanteur Robbie Hart loses all hope after being abandoned at the altar by his fiancee Linda. Enter Julia, an effervescence ray of light in the shape of a catering-service waitress, who enlists Robbie's help in planning her own wedding--to a sleazy, DeLorean-driving junk bond salesman who tomcats around and treats women like unfeeling slabs of meat. Can our hero win Julia over before she elopes to Las Vegas? Will Billy Idol save the day? And, most importantly, will the fluffy romantic storyline be completely overpowered by the weighty mid-1980s cultural references? Cheesy fun for the nostalgically inclined. Steve Buscemi tries to steal the film in an uncredited role as a drunk best man, but that honor actually goes to Alexis Arquette, as "George."

In the end of the movie, the wedding singer catches up with the girl who has settled for the guy who doesn't love her, and treats her like crap and rescues her from her life to be, and whisks her off to a new one. He strolls in singing his song he wrote for her to win her heart, and I start to cry as he starts to sing:

Grow Old With You (To listen to the song, copy and paste this URL into a new browser; I can't link it for some reason http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Pointe/6598/growold.mp3 )

Billy idol (speaking): good afternoon everyone. we're flying at 26,000 feet,
Moving up to thirty thousand feet, and then we've got clear skies
All the way to las vegas, and right now we're bringin you some in-flight
Entertainment. one of our first-class passengers would like to sing you a song
Inspired by one of our coach passenger, and since we let our first-class
Passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

Robbie hart (singing):
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

I'll need you
I'll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

So I'm flipping through the TV tonight, and see the movie on. As always when its on, I stop to watch it, because I love the movie. As I'm watching this movie unfold I realize (as I'm sure you can see coming) that there is more to my liking this movie than just a funny 80's parody. I related to the Julia character. I was in the relationship with the guy who didn't love me. I was her, waiting to be saved.

I wanted my wedding singer.

I just didn't know it.

I guess subconsciously I knew what was going on, and didn't want to admit it... I was waiting for my wedding singer to walk in, and sweep me off my feet and save me.

But I didn't get my wedding singer.


I did get saved though, the man who didn't love me decided he didn't need me any more and that was it.

So the question is:

If this is true, why do I hurt so much? Why do I still love him?

I used to sing that song in the shower, smiling at the lyrics, thinking of how they remind me of how I felt about the X, and how I wanted to grow old with him... But I think I was fooling my self.

Am I still waiting for my wedding singer?

Will I ever be lucky enough to find a man who can love me, who I can love, who will "Want to grow old with me?"

I think back on it now and laugh, I used to tell the X how I wanted to grow old with him, and I would regale him of stories, and he would just ignore me.... That whole scene in the plane, between Glen and Julie (Glen is the Jerk) reminds me of me and the X... That whole scene was us! And yet at the end of their scene, Julia is saved by her wedding singer.

I want my wedding singer.

When do I get to hear;

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man to grow old with you.
I wanna grow old with you.

When do I get my wedding singer?

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"When you make the finding yourself - even if you're the last person on Earth to see the light - you'll never forget it."
-Carl Sagan