Before you die, you see the ring...

The Ring was a good movie. The first really scary movie I watched in a while. And I didn't know why. It's not that the movie itself is scary, well it could be I guess, but its just SCARY. And as I love a good scary movie, I bought the DVD. The DVD shows the truth. I caught a glimpse of a subliminal image while watching the DVD. So I frame by framed it and there it was. After I enjoyed the movie I searched online and went to the official sites productions notes. Read the production notes from the director. He talks about putting things in the movie "that leaves residual effects".
He used subliminal messaging to scare the audience and keep them scared after they made it home.

How awesome is that!

I don't care why I'm scared in a movie, I just love a good scare. And the ring certainly rattled me.

Subliminal, Sweet!

Thanks to director Gore Verbinski (who also did Pirates Of The Caribbean), I really REALLY enjoyed the movie.

And I don't care why.

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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You start to play it and it's like somebody's nightmare. And then this woman comes on, smiling at you, right? Seeing you... Through the screen. Then when it's over, your phone rings, someone knows you watched the tape... And what they say is, "You will die in seven days". - Becca (quote from The Ring)

Don't eat the green Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans! I learned the hard way!

Some things line Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans should just be left inside Harry Potter books, and not bought into the real world!

I tried a green bean.

Vomit.

No really, that was the flavor, vomit.

Yeah. I'm so done!

CONGRATULATIONS!

Sean finally proposed to Diane!

Gratz Guys!

What a romantic Christmas moment!

Sean, you treat her right or I'll kick you ass!

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"...happiness is the highest good, being a realization and perfect practice of virtue, which some can attain, while others have little or none of it..."
-Aristotle

Merry Christmas

Well what a weird Christmas.

My family celebrates Christmas on the 24th, but this year I was working... So nothing really happened. Then I showed up at my mom's for Christmas breakfast. Had Dutch Baby, and sausage. Then we all did a little online Christmas shopping (why do boxing sales at the store when you can do it online), and then I had to go off to work. After an exciting day of work (which I will probably talk about another day) I came home and here I sit... Watching A Buffy Marathon/League of their own, eating lamb chops, and reflecting on the day.

I missed the X's family today.

I missed Helen today.

I missed Avis.

I miss Auntie Audrey

I missed my dad.

My X's family is always amazing on Christmas. First, his mom.... 1 tree was never EVER enough, and the sooner it was up the better. The house was always decked out in the most beautiful decorations, with as many trees as possible. To walk into that house after Halloween was true joy and Christmas spirit. His Dad, always happy, full of music, and spirit. His Grandparents, with wisdom, stories, and love. His Aunt with spunk, and sass, and zeal for life not to be exceeded by anyone. His sister a wild and crazy, fun, and heart. And of course the X himself... Whom I loved. I missed stockings after a 7am breakfast,achieving orange was always a treat. And that family was more generous than anyone I have ever known. I love them all. Gosh I miss them.

Helen used to always spend Christmas with my family. Drinking martinis, enjoying presents, and dinner, laughs and merriment. Her smile always warmed your heart, and we always had such fun playing Oilman where her company "Baby Oil" always beat out everyone else... Ok not always, but I like to remember it that way. I miss her so much.

Avis was my school teacher from grades 1 though 4. She tough in a one room school for grades 1 to 5. During that time she became great friends with my mom and dad, and after we move she became family. Avis was an amazing person with an unbreakable spirit. When I worked the system in highschool to get straight A's with out really doing anything, she was proud of my ingenuity, even though she saw the down side to what I was doing, she always saw the upside. I miss her laugh.

Auntie Audrey was my parents best friend for as long as I can remember. Her necklace change "Live, Love, Laugh" has always through out my life, given me inspiration. She was so VERY Swedish. And she made great Swedish lunches, with dancing and music. I miss her spirit.

My Dad.... It has been to many years to count since my father passed away, and yet ever Christmas I spend a lot of time thinking about him. Playing his guitar, watching hockey, discussing politics, dancing to Song Sung Blue (Mom, if you are reading this, you might not want to click this link - you WILL cry)... When I was young, my dad and I dance together to James Last's Song Sung Blue (from beach party 3 -Now you can get it on Best Of Beach Party: James Last). He would put on that song, and lift me onto his shoulder, and we would dance... It was our song. I always thought him and I would dance that at my wedding... But he never made it. I wonder if I should still play it when I get married someday, ether play it and request no one dance, or dance it with my brother (where the father daughter dance should be), I don't know If I could play it without crying. Anyway, I digress. At Christmas time, I miss my dad the most.

Now I did get to spend time with Grandma Betty, and Uncle Nick, and Aunt Carol which was AMAZING! They cam down Island to visit, and I hadn't seen them in about 10 years.... My brother hadn't seen them in 20. It was so long ago that he still had his baby teeth, and wasn't talking to people he didn't know. This was the first conversation they had ever had. It was surreal.

And I am getting to spend time with my brother, which means the world to me.

But Christmas still makes sad for friends and family I have lost, and family that is no longer mine. I miss them so much. My heart, and mind is with them tonight, for tonight is a night of family, here, or gone.

So as the door of Christmas closes for another year, I think of what I have, what I have lost, what is, has been, and will be.

Tonight I will sleep with thoughts of family.

My love to them all.

whether they are hear or not.

My love to them all.

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles.
--Unknown

I miss my friends

One bad thing about this promotion I got, is that I really miss my team (both original and the new one before I left). I used to spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week with these people, and they are amazing! Ted, Rae, Brendan, Brandy, Leanne, James, Jason.... Ok, I'm gonna stop the list there just because I will forget someone if I try and list them all.... I miss them. Yes we still work similar hours, but I work on the second floor now, and the rules are kinda quirky and I really cant hang out with them on my breaks and after work while they are working. So I don't really get to see them.

I miss them so much!

I try and do lunch/brunches when I can, but when your used to spending 8 hours a day with some of the most amazing people, you have a huge void when there gone. A few of them had training yesterday upstairs, so they all can in and said hi! I damn near burst into tears. It was so good to see them, and I couldn't express it.

I miss them.

I have never worked with people so amazing as the people I have worked with at West.

I know the people I work with now are amazing to.. But its not the same.

And I don't want to loose touch with my friends from the floor, and I know I wont, but its not the same.

There is not daily "Brendaaaan!", no M-O-O-N that spells Rate Plan, no cola or yogurt coming out my nose while Ted shoots off one of his patented singers, no gossip with Leanne, no making Rae jump outta her chair, or chatting with Brandy...

No crazy 8's.

Don't get me wrong, I love my new job...

But the people downstairs is where my heart is.

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"He who has a thousand friends
Has not a friend to spare,
While he who has one enemy
Shall meet him everywhere."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

My brother is home!

My brother is home, and I am so happy! He got in (Late) on Wednesday, and I was so happy to see him! I have not seen him in a year. I was so excited to show him my new place, my new life. I am so proud of my bother... He has had such an amazing life, and done such amazing things. He is smart, and funny, and a good kid (he will always be that little 8 year old brat in my mind, just kidding), I AM SO PROUD OF HIM! He has grown to be come an amazing man. I am so happy about getting to spend time with him, I haven't had a moment to breath since he has been home because I have been spending time with him: playing Hockey mostly... The cup will be mine!

I missed him so much!

I'm so glad he is home!

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
-Albert Einstein

Spider-Man Blog Templates

Spider-Man Blog Templates

How great are these!!!

Again.... Where have I been?

I haven't blogged in a week... Can you imagine! Well, there has been good reason. I spent all week getting used to my new schedule (which I'm starting to enjoy), my new position as a Resolution specialist (or Resolution consultant... I'm not sure which sounds better), getting ready for my brothers return tomorrow (YAY), and somewhere amongst that trying to fit in a life, and grocery shopping and reflection time. Of course on top of that, its Christmas, so as per usual, I'm not very cheery... Even though a part of me is, it's that time of year.

But...

My job is great!

I LOVE MY NEW POSITION!

I have so much fun, and I'm good at it to! Plus the people are fantastic to boot!

And my brother comes home tomorrow! How awesome is that!

Now all I need to do is find time to 1) send out my Xmas cards 2) reply to the zillion of emails I got!! (To all my friends that I haven't emailed back... SORRY - its coming) 3) try to fit in some budget Xmas shopping 4) try to visit my favorite forums... I haven't been in a week (SORRY!!)!

I don't know how I am going to do it.

But I will.

And I gotta start bloging again on a regular basis....

*sigh*

Maybe once I get used to the new schedule.

Until then, forgive me.

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"The unexamined life is not worth living."
-Socrates

Where have I been?

I have been buried in work...

Not that my job swallows me, not that I take it home with me... But I had a goal.

I wanted a promotion.

I wanted Rez Desk.

Since the X kicked me out, its been an uphill battle for me, and although I have come along in my recovery faster than I expected (there is still a long way to the summit yet), I have struggled with so much inside. I have tried to find out who I am, and don't get me wrong, I'm still looking, I have tried to rebuild my confidence, to start believing in myself again, to love my self. I have spent countless hours along, thinking, and dreaming about what I want to be, about who I need to be...

Then I would goto work and my life would begin.

I could come out of my shell, and loose my pain in friendship and camaraderie at work.

And I am good at my job...

Maybe it's my gift of gab, or my ability to shovel it, or take no BS... Whatever it is, I am good at my job.

But a promotion was not something I really thought about. True I applied, but I had 6 years of self doubt that kept it out of my minds grasp of possibilities. Add to that I had never had a promotion before. True, I have had great jobs, but I was never promoted to them. But every posting I was qualified for I applied for, even if I didn't hold hope. Then a posting for Rez Desk happened.... And I thought, you know, that is a job I would be good at... That is a job I deserve.

But then my car accident happened, and that was the end of applying.

I got back to work though, and there was another posting up for Rez, but it was to soon. I had doubts.

So I didn't apply.

I got back into the saddle, got back into the job... Then I applied again.

But it took a lot of convincing.

I couldn't take the disappointment. What if I didn't get it? This is what I thought. What if?? What if the one thing I am feeling that I'm good at, for the first time in 6 years, was not something I was go at? What if I got rejected. I don't think I could handle it.

But my friends at work convinced me. They believed in me, and believed I needed to apply

So I did.

And then I got the interview.

And the panic started.

What if?

And then I got the second interview.

What if?

And through all that time I had to think about myself, and remind myself that I deserved it.

What if?

I spent every spare moment preparing. Double jacking with Rez, asking my friends and co-workers fore help, input, advice. And reflecting, reflecting, reflecting.

But what if?

Then....

I got the job.

I blink, disbelieving... Then I smile, I did it.

I did it!

So, what does this mean?

This means raise....

With pay incentive, I'm going from 1400 a month to 1800 a month (before taxes). BIG CHANGE.

Ultimately this means I can:

First, get my camera!

Second, goto Disneyland!

Third, taking those courses I have wanted to take to improve myself, and enjoy.

Forth, treat me!

And all that in between paying off my bills and debts.

No, its not a lot of money, but an extra 200 a month... (ish after taxes)... That is a big step for me. And soon my 6 month raise starts.

It will be a couple months before this comes together, but there it is.

And that is why I haven't been posting.... I have been to busy thinking to.... To scared to...

And that's it, and now I know...

I am good at my job, and I will be great on rez.

I believe in me....

Ok, I don't,

BUT...

I'm starting to.

And that is what is important!

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"Nothing happens by itself... it all will come your way, once you understand that you have to make it come your way, by your own exertions."
-Ben Stein

Strange realizations

I love the movie: The Wedding Singer. I always have, never know why really, its not like its a fantastic cinematic event, but I loved it. Tonight I think I figured out why.

I loved the love story: New Jersey wedding chanteur Robbie Hart loses all hope after being abandoned at the altar by his fiancee Linda. Enter Julia, an effervescence ray of light in the shape of a catering-service waitress, who enlists Robbie's help in planning her own wedding--to a sleazy, DeLorean-driving junk bond salesman who tomcats around and treats women like unfeeling slabs of meat. Can our hero win Julia over before she elopes to Las Vegas? Will Billy Idol save the day? And, most importantly, will the fluffy romantic storyline be completely overpowered by the weighty mid-1980s cultural references? Cheesy fun for the nostalgically inclined. Steve Buscemi tries to steal the film in an uncredited role as a drunk best man, but that honor actually goes to Alexis Arquette, as "George."

In the end of the movie, the wedding singer catches up with the girl who has settled for the guy who doesn't love her, and treats her like crap and rescues her from her life to be, and whisks her off to a new one. He strolls in singing his song he wrote for her to win her heart, and I start to cry as he starts to sing:

Grow Old With You (To listen to the song, copy and paste this URL into a new browser; I can't link it for some reason http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Pointe/6598/growold.mp3 )

Billy idol (speaking): good afternoon everyone. we're flying at 26,000 feet,
Moving up to thirty thousand feet, and then we've got clear skies
All the way to las vegas, and right now we're bringin you some in-flight
Entertainment. one of our first-class passengers would like to sing you a song
Inspired by one of our coach passenger, and since we let our first-class
Passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

Robbie hart (singing):
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

I'll need you
I'll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

So I'm flipping through the TV tonight, and see the movie on. As always when its on, I stop to watch it, because I love the movie. As I'm watching this movie unfold I realize (as I'm sure you can see coming) that there is more to my liking this movie than just a funny 80's parody. I related to the Julia character. I was in the relationship with the guy who didn't love me. I was her, waiting to be saved.

I wanted my wedding singer.

I just didn't know it.

I guess subconsciously I knew what was going on, and didn't want to admit it... I was waiting for my wedding singer to walk in, and sweep me off my feet and save me.

But I didn't get my wedding singer.


I did get saved though, the man who didn't love me decided he didn't need me any more and that was it.

So the question is:

If this is true, why do I hurt so much? Why do I still love him?

I used to sing that song in the shower, smiling at the lyrics, thinking of how they remind me of how I felt about the X, and how I wanted to grow old with him... But I think I was fooling my self.

Am I still waiting for my wedding singer?

Will I ever be lucky enough to find a man who can love me, who I can love, who will "Want to grow old with me?"

I think back on it now and laugh, I used to tell the X how I wanted to grow old with him, and I would regale him of stories, and he would just ignore me.... That whole scene in the plane, between Glen and Julie (Glen is the Jerk) reminds me of me and the X... That whole scene was us! And yet at the end of their scene, Julia is saved by her wedding singer.

I want my wedding singer.

When do I get to hear;

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man to grow old with you.
I wanna grow old with you.

When do I get my wedding singer?

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"When you make the finding yourself - even if you're the last person on Earth to see the light - you'll never forget it."
-Carl Sagan