BioWare meets Lucasarts.... I think I'm in love!

I just have to say; Knights of the Old Republic...

Amazing!

There is a Corey Hart CD I don't have!

I was looking through Amazon.ca today, and I saw that there is a Corey Hart CD I don't have! I actually did not know that it was possible! How did I miss that!

Yeah, so I so have to order it!

Classic Masters [ORIGINAL RECORDING REMASTERED]


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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"All that spirits desire, spirits attain."
-Kahlil Gibran, "The Poet of Baalbek"

Long time no post

I know it has been a long time since I posted... But I'll be honest, I just did not have it in me. The work week has been plugging alone as per usually, although with it being an American holiday, it was very VERY slow, which did give us all time to play some crazy eights games that were just *crazy*. At home, I've been bored a lot. Tearing though books, and DVD's like they are going out of style.

I really want to get that camera I have in my Christmas Wish List ... Not that I am really expecting to get anything on that list... It's like a pipe dream list, you know. More a list for me, and what I need to save up for, with a few DVD's that my family can get me for Christmas. But I am going save up for that camera sooner than I thought:

I love photography.

I love taking pictures, and I like to think I have a good eye... I have been told I do. I have an amazing Tri-Pod, but I am lacking the good camera ( I have an 0.7 mega pixel Epson PhotoPC 600, one of the first ever Digi-cams, cost me an arm and a leg, but it just does not cut the mustard any more), and taking pictures with what I have is just disheartening.

I buy camera magazines every week, read books on photography all the time, and I see some amazing things which would take great pictures, but I cant capture them on what I have.

I want to take some photo courses as well, but again, I cant do that with out a camera.

The Nikon Coolpix 5700 5MP Digital Camera w/ 8x Optical Zoom is what I am looking for. It is what I am going to save up for.... Even before my trip to Disneyland. It is an amazing camera, with all the manual controls you'll ever need, 8X optical zoom lens, excellent photo quality, Superb macro ability, CompactFlash Type II slot - Microdrive works fine, Handy swiveling LCD, Hot shoe for external flash, & RAW and TIFF file formats. The review (Linked above) is very favorable to. I just think I need to do this.

Photography has been something I always loved to do... Even as a kid! My mom used to have to take the camera away from me for fear of my wasting film. As I grew up I took more and more photos. I would have joined a couple photo clubs in highschool, and cadets if it didn't conflict with other things I was doing. Over the past 10 years I have been drawn back to it, and I wish to explore that part of me even more... But I cant do it with what I have... I just cant.... So I am going to have to goto Japan Camera in Mayfair Mall and get the Nikon Coolpix 5700 Camera then run to Future Shop and get a
256 MB Compact Flash Card Maybe even a Sandisk SDDR-91-07 USB 2.0 Compact Flash Reader

Why am I bloging all this you ask?

To keep me on track.

To set my goals, and achieve them.

Just like my *Christmas wish list*, its for me to keep my sites set and not get distracted by all the *shiny things* in life!

I will have my new camera, compact flash card, and reader.

I will

Then, only THEN, will I goto Disneyland!

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end."
-Ursula K. LeGuin

A toast - to Helen

Last Thursday morning my friend Helen passed away. Her battle with cancer finally came to its conclusion. And I will miss her. Over the last few days, I have stared at this blog screen... Wondering what to write. How do you express emotions into words? I certainly don't have the answer to that, but I can tell you what I am thinking.

I have know Helen for a lot of years, in fact, even though she was my moms best friend, I have known her longer than my mom. Helen married one of my closest and dearest friends father. In fact I almost cant remember Hank with out Helen. Through the years I got to know Helen well, Chad (my forementioned friend) and I were like family... Heck there was a time when it was Helen's dream for us to be together.... Which makes me laugh now... Especially seeing as how Chad has met and married the most amazing person, and to see him and Anita together is just a beautiful thing, a perfect thing. But when Helen talked like that was over 15 years ago... Back when we were still in highshcool, back when we were just kids. It seems like a lifetime ago. Of course Chad and I wanted no part of Helen's master plan... We were just friends, and liked it that way. But every once in a while we could hear (again 15 years ago) Helen say "you two should just get together". It was funny. We were best friends, nothing more.... Except in Helen's dreams. That of course changed as they years progressed, but it still makes me laugh!

I keep thinking of all the years I have know her, and all the fun we had. When she became best friends with my mom, I got to see her and Hank even more! We were all like family, so Christmas', Thanksgivings, heck all holidays we were always together. She is family. So is Hank, and Chad, and Anita and Josh.

She was a very important part of my life... Never afraid to give me hell, or support me when I needed it... Always willing to give a different and new perspective on the situation....

And I miss her.

When she was diagnosed with cancer my heart wept. Why must terrible things happen to good people? Helen is one of the most kindest most caring, funniest, truest souls I have ever known... And it was horribly unfair that she was going to have to battle cancer.

But she did.

And she battled valiantly.

But now the battle is over, and Helen does not have to fight anymore.

I will miss her smile, laugh, brutal honesty, and never ending faith in the good inside people. I will miss dominos, cards, and martinis. I will miss the holidays. But most of all I will miss her.

But all those things will live on in my heart and memory's... And the hearts and memory's of every life she touched. She will live forever in our hearts.

I toast to you Helen.

We will never forget your smile.







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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see."
-John Burroughs

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN: by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on
the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why
the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be
"meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with
you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting
other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age
eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above average
drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It
never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built
the Titanic.

16. Final thought for the day: Men are like fine
wine.. They start out
as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap
out of them until they
turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs."
-Christopher Morley, Inward Ho

How Not to Get Fired Because of Your Blog

How Not to Get Fired Because of Your Blog

My christmas wish list - With canadian shop/shop-online links (in order of drool factor for me)

Sony SLVD300P DVD/VCR Combo
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Complete Fifth Season
Angel: The Complete First Season
Angel: The Complete Second Season
Finding Nemo - WIDESCREEN
The Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - WIDESCREEN
Sony KV20FV300 20" WEGA TV
Sony HT-DDW750 Home-Theater In-A-Box
Nikon Coolpix 5700 5MP Digital Camera w/ 8x Optical Zoom
WITH
Sandisk 256 MB Compact Flash Card
Linksys Etherfast Cable/DSL Router
HP DVD300i Internal DVD+RW Drive
Palm Zire 71 Value Bundle
NEC MS97F-BK 19" Monitor - Black
Indiana Jones Trilogy (Widescreen) - WIDESCREEN(2003)
EverQuest Game Card
JVC KD-S890 MP3 CD Car Deck
WITH
2 x Pioneer TS-G1317 5 1/4" Car Speakers

Bailing on friends.... This time for the right reasons.

I have to bail on my best friend, and one of my dearest friends last night, and I feel horrible. I emailed them and explained why, but I hope they can understand... I hope they know I still love them. I didn't bail on them because of them... I bailed because I had to. I had to do what I felt was the right thing. I hope they can forgive me.

Sometimes the right thing gets in the way.

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely."
-Pam Brown

M-o-o-n That spells "The Stand"

One of my favorate books: Stephen King's "The Stand: Complete and Uncut" was made into a huge film back in 1994, and it was a fabolus adaptation. I have owned it on VHS since it's release, and now I have it on DVD: Stephen King's The Stand (1994)

Quotes from the Book

"That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery."

"M-O-O-N, that spells moon. Laws, yes."

"Life was such a wheel that no man could stand upon it for long. And it always, at the end, came round to the same place again."

"What kind of world was it where God would trap a person like a bug in a puddle of gasoline? A world that deserved to burn, that was what."

"Show me a man or a woman alone and I'll show you a saint. Give me two and they'll fall in love. Give me three and they'll invent the charming thing we call 'society'. Give me four and they'll build a pyramid. Give me five and they'll make one an outcast. Give me six and they'll reinvent prejudice. Give me seven and in seven years they'll reinvent warfare. Man may have been made in the image of God, but human society was made in the image of His opposite number, and is always trying to get back home."

I think I'm in love..... Hockey Night in Canada debuts its first high definition broadcast!

Hockey Night in Canada debuts its first high definition broadcast at a very special event Sat., Nov. 22. The Heritage Classic (also known as "The Outdoor Game") in Edmonton begins with the Megastars game featuring some of the greatest players to don the Edmonton Oilers and Montreal Canadiens jerseys.

Catch the Megastars game 4:30 p.m. ET (2:30 p.m. MT), followed at 6:30 p.m. ET (4:30 p.m. MT) by Saturday Night and then Canadiens versus the Oilers from Commonwealth Stadium.

Today is a great day to be Canadian!

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance."
-Oscar Wilde

Lost in time

What is it that makes time whisk us away in a furry on activity? I find myself lost so many times with in a dream, be it daydream or night dream, not aware of the time that has ticked away. And we work away time... Grinding our 8 hours a day away, just waiting for our 5 o'clock, and freedom.... In the end its all about time... Being lost in time.

So how do I stop killing time... And start embracing time?

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."
-William Shakespeare

Comments & links

I have added a comment and link section to my blog! I know, about time.

So if you wish to link to a particular blog post click on the picture at the bottom of the post, and if you wish to comment on a particular blog post click on the picture at the bottom of the post.

I'm not sure if they are working correctly, so please, try them, comment, link, and let me know if its working! (If not email me [link for my email is on the right] and let me know!)

I am having so much fun with this blog, and I am learning tons of code with it... I just hope the code I put in for the link and comments was correct!


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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"The Devil finds work for idle hands."
First Appeared in 1721
-Proverb, 1721

So much to say, no heart to say it.

I have not had the words to say what has been in my mind as of late.... Not to mention the pain I get from sitting at my computer... I haven't had the heart to post... So much to say... No time to say it.

For some reason, Shakespeare's Sonnet 116 keeps going though my mind... And I don't know why:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

That and Rainer Maria Rilke's Love Song:

How can I keep my soul in me, so that
it doesn't touch your soul? How can I raise
it high enough, past you, to other things?
I would like to shelter it, among remote
lost objects, in some dark and silent place
that doesn't resonate when your depths resound.
Yet everything that touches us, me and you,
takes us together like a violin's bow,
which draws *one* voice out of two separate strings.
Upon what instrument are we two spanned?
And what musician holds us in his hand?
Oh sweetest song.

I don't know why I keep thinking of these poems... I haven't really thought about them in years... But this last week, they keep coming though to the forefront of my brain, and I just don't know why.

Maybe it is the lost love, or the longing of a better love, a new love, or the morning of my past and what I thought was my future. All I know is that I'm lost... Why can't I have my star for my wandering bark?

What I think I need, is a club, or group or something I can do, that I enjoy, or can learn from, where I can meet people and continue my rediscovery.

Actually, I don't know what I need....

This week I have had dreams so bad I haven't been sleeping to avoid them... Dreams of regrets, taunts of a future that wont be, torment and insults, berating, and belittling, vivid dreams preying on my worries, fears, and regrets. So I avoid sleep. I cant dream, I wont dream, it hurts to much.

My dreams betray me.

I am so lost.

I need my Star.

Can someone show the me way?

Can I find my way?

The good news is, I'm still not drinking, or smoking. I have stayed away from that. I am proud of that. I know drinking right now would be devastating for me. Maybe soon I can have a few again, but right now... No way.

I spend a lot of time thinking "if I could go back in time, 10, 20 years... What would I do differently?" Why do I do that? What good is dwelling on things I cant change? How can I turn this into something positive? Can I make those changes now? What can I do today to become the better person I know I can be (I really need to stop quoting Matthew Kelly, but dang, they are so good).

I need to find my wandering barks star! My ship needs guidance!

Who can help me find my star.

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."
-Josh Billings

Time heals all wounds

It is said, that time heals all wounds. But how much time? I have spent such a long time already trying to get over the loss of my life, my plans, my future. Although I may be better off... I certainly cant forgot the hollow feeling inside from the loss of my love. Missing the feeling of love: the little jump your heart makes when your love comes in the room, or calls, or when you just think of him. The way your stomach turns when you know he is going to be home soon. The excitement from looking into his eyes. The elation of the kiss.

So how much time?

Do I spend this time drifting aimlessly? Hoping to find my way? Hoping to fall into my destiny? I feel so lost, so alone.

I miss my love.

I miss being loved... But I guess I missed that for a long time know.... I just didn't know it. It would explain a lot of things.

Do I have the strength to take the time I need?

Will I ever love again?

Can I ever love again?

Who will love me?

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable."
-Seneca

I would love this in black!

CBS: "Survivor 7 Skull Long Sleeve T-Shirt "

I would love to get this in black as well!

CBS: "Survivor 7 Tribal Buff "

It is a new day

May today bring light into my heart... I need it.


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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."
-Anon.

No good can come from this day

First, apologies for not posting all week. My back has been "in bed all day" sore this week, so I have not had any PC time besides work all week. Today of course, is no different, but I have a lot to say, and I want to say it.

It is amazing how demotivation a single word, or seeing a single face can be.

I am rebuilding my reality, my future, myself... And any reminder of my old life, dreams, and self, and it does not take to much to crack my exterior and break me in to tears.

A simple letter can rush back feelings.... A face can fill me with anger, and hate. A simple word, bring me to tears.

And today I got the pleasure of all three.

It started simply enough with a letter... From the X, expressing concern for me, having not hear from me in a while. I guess I responded with some curtness and he wondered why.... So I explained.... And it brought me to tears. Right before work, I was crying so hard that I could barely stand.

Then I walk through the door to see the X's X, and I was filled with rage, anger and pain. Why do I have to work with this woman! It is not fair.... Not even close. I think sometimes that god's sense of humor is a little to painful.

Then a friend of the X's, whom I suggested get a job where I work decided to come say hi. And tell me about the last could days with the X.... That, was not what I needed to hear... Not now, not ever. I know he means well, I think, he means well, but I cant take hearing all that.

So all night my bran is reeling... Thinking about what was, what is, what could have been, and what will come to pass. So here I sit, in tears trying to figure out how I let myself get to this point.

I was a strong woman once.

Maybe not the most confidant, maybe not the most beautiful, but I was happy, and strong, and I knew what I want, and what I needed to do to get there. Now, I am an emotional wreck. Saddened by the thought of seeing the next Lord of the Rings movie without the X, or feeling smothered in the weight of the world.

So I sit here, heavy of heart, not knowing where my life is to go, or how I am to get there. Or how I can get over losing the loss of my love. The man, who I was going to spend the rest of my life with, who I and spent 6 years of my life with, who I and built a life with. But how can I not.

I must go on.

So I look to the future. Perhaps I will apply to a tech position at work. But that to brings troubles, for it as been a long LONG time since I have done computers professionally... Do I still have what it takes? Can I do it?

What is to become of me?

Where lies my destiny?

Who am I?

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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."
-Chinese Proverb

The Cab Ride

My friend Ted emailed this along to me, and I though I would share... I think it is a beautiful story that everyone should read, and take a moment to think about....
I don't know if this is true but wouldn't be nice if it was. If the world could get back to the way it used to be.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away. But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked.

"Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said.

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

"It's nothing", I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated".

"Oh, you're such a good boy", she said.

When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"

"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.

"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice". I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long." I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

"What route would you like me to take?" I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighbourhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now."

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.

"Nothing," I said.

"You have to make a living," she answered.

"There are other passengers," I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.

She held onto me tightly. "You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."

I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut.

It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.

What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware--beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~ THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

Pass this on to all your friends. You won't get any big surprise in 10 days if you send it to ten people. But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on.



Thank you, my friend....



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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer

Live, Love, Laugh

One of my dear family friends (so close I grew up knowing her as Auntie Audrey), who had passed on a few years back (long than I care to remember) used to wear this gold charm on her neck. It simply said: Live, Love, Laugh. I have spent years looking in my heart and seeing, and hearing those words.
Three simple words really:

Live:
1 : to be alive : have the life of an animal or plant

Love:
2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

Laugh:
1 a : to show mirth, joy, or scorn with a smile and chuckle or explosive sound b : to find amusement or pleasure in something c : to become amused or derisive

But these 3 simple words, when putogetherer can have such a powerful meaning. I never understood what my Auntie Audrey's pendant meant growing up. As time went on, I knew it was a motto to live by.... But its true meaning... What it is all about, escaped me. And I can't say now that in this place I am in and this time I am in in my life that I do truly understand the full power behind those words. But I am starting to, or at least I know what it should mean for me.

I need to enjoy myself. Who I am, why I am, and what I am doing. I need to love, and be love (yes, another great Matthew Kelly quote), to give and share love. I need to be happy, and joyous, and inspire joy in others. It means do what makes you happy, and be happy. And I intend to. I intend to live, love, laugh.

I was allways drawn to that pendant as a child, and that saying as I grew up. Who knew that it would be so important. That three little words can mean so much.



Think about it.



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INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT OF THE DAY
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"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect."
-Mark Twain